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Parents have many opportunities to teach responsibility to their children. If started when young, children learn through modeling how to be appreciative and responsible. How to take care of not only their own things, but the things of others. They also learn how to be sorry when they damage or hurt something that belongs to someone else. Part of this learning process involves making kids take responsibility for their own actions, and not bailing them out when things go wrong.
A perfect example of this recently happened to us, and the saga will continue. As many of you know, we own a few rental properties. We have always rented to folks with pets, because we have pets and we appreciate how wonderful it can be to have a 4 legged companion.
In August of last year, two of my best ever tenants (thanks Matt and Megan!!) decided it was time to move on, and after 2 years, gave me their 30 days notice on one of our little houses. We all met at the house on August 31st, did our final walk-through and I wrote them a check for the return of their security deposit, along with a little extra for some things they had decided to leave behind, and wished them all the best on their move. Oh yes, they had a dog who was wonderful and never did a bit of damage!
The next day, a girl, who had contacted me in July from out of state, signed her lease and moved in. Originally, there was one dog involved, but since signing the lease, she had aquired another one, so I charged her the extra $100 pet deposit, and she moved in. Oh, I neglected to mention that I had given her a $75 break in the rent, because her husband was in Iraq and I felt it was my duty to support the troops, since they are risking their lives to keep us safe and free….anyway, I digress…
The first few weeks went fine, then I started to receive phone calls from the elderly next door neighbor. He complained that the dogs were messing up his yard, and ripping up my yard, and that he thought they might be wrecking the blinds. I called the tenant and she assured me that she was cleaning up the poop, sweeping the sidewalk, and would replace the blinds when she moved out, because, yes, they liked to look out the windows and had wrecked the blinds. Being trusting, and not wanting to intrude on her privacy, I trusted that this was true. The phone calls from my neighbor continued, and I sent a few emails and stopped down there once. Yes, the yard had some holes in it, but mine does too, so again, I tried to give her the benefit of the doubt.
A few months went by, and now we are in the dead of winter…January 6th, 2009, my phone rings and it is a Winona police officer, sitting outside of the rental house. Can we please come down? There is a dog hanging by a chain out of a broken living room window. Yes, of course, I said and we headed down. Indeed, there is a dog, who has broken the glass out of the window, hanging by a chain! The police officer is afraid to go near it. It is a big dog, and it does not seem happy. I am not going in! I am unable to reach the tenant, her phone has been disconnected, so I know that her parents live in town. I ask the police officer for a phone book. look up the parents number and call the dad. He arrives in about 1/2 hour with boards to cover the window. He doesn’t want to let us into the house for some reason, so I peek through the living room window, and my heart goes up in my throat. The carpet is all removed from the house. There is dog pee everywhere, up the walls all over the floor….the woodwork is chewed up to dog face high….this is a house that was in nice condition on September 1st, and now is totally trashed. The front two windows are scratched, and the blinds and curtains wrecked.
I never hear from the tenant, only her parents. They assure me that they will put the house back together. They will replace the carpet, and paint, and get the woodwork back to the way it was. This is of course a stipulation of the lease, that you will leave the house the way you found it, so they do the work.
In the meantime, a variety of serious personal issues arise, and this in the middle of tax season, has now become to much for me. I end up at the clinic, needing anti-anxiety medication to function through the day. Still, I am not sleeping or eating and the stress is breaking me.
I make arrangements to get the windows of the house replaced. On February 2nd, I receive an email from the tenant, that she is not coming back to the house, so I should rent it to someone else. Ok, I say, but you will need to pay rent until I can find someone, and the security deposit will cover the windows and other incidental repairs that were needed in addition to the carpet and paint. Ok, she says, that is fine.
The carpet goes in, and is definitely not of the quality of the original carpet. Instead of all matching carpet, I know have 3 rooms that don’t match. The paint is cheap, flat white from Menards, rather than the professionally done eggshell that had originally been on the walls, but I graciously accept what they have done, and tell them that meets the requirements of the “making it whole”, but of course the security deposit is being held to cover the $1500 worth of windows and the cost for the police call and some other stuff. Ok, I hear, yes of course you will keep the deposit.
I ask the mother if they would like to do a walk-through prior to me renting it to the new family, but no one shows up. I have no address for the tenant, so I walk through the house, make sure it is clean and ready for the new tenants and go home.
I rent the house on March 1st to a new tenant. My new tenant cleans up the yard, and I give him a break in his rent due to the fact that the entire yard was covered in dog feces. They move in, and all seems well for a while. My husband has surgery in the middle of March and my daughter suffers a painful and devastating miscarriage as well. My anxiety attacks escalate….
On March 23rd, I get an email from the parents of this previous tenant. When will they be reimbursed for the work that they did? She asks. Well, I remind, the windows were $1500 and there were some other items, such as replaced locks, advertising etc. due to the broken lease, that needed to be covered, so the security deposit is gone, and there will be no reimbursement. I hear nothing else until May 13th, when I get a Facebook message from the previous tenant “when are you reimbursing my parents?” she asks. I again remind her of the damage and the costs involved to correct the damage done by her dogs. I also remind her that we let her out of her lease 6 months early.
She, in her sense of entitlement, tells me I am being rude to her and should reimburse her parents for the work that they did, but does admit that she is not due back her security deposit. This she admits in writing in this facebook message.
I explain again, that the damages cost a great deal of money, that she was responsible for leaving the property the way she found it, and that although I appreciated the work her parents had done, that truly, SHE was the one who should reimburse them, as they saved her a great deal of money.
On May 18th, I receive an invitation to appear in small claims court!! She apparently is still not comprehending the error of her actions, and “can’t understand why she didn’t get her security deposit back. I feel that we have this one in the bag. We had talked about it with her parents, she has said in writing that she is not getting it back. Is this not pretty clear to anyone reading this?
Well, apparently, she found a “loophole” in the law, that states that we needed to “provide to her in writing, via first class mail” a list of items that caused us to keep her security deposit. Well, we had no forwarding address, so apparently, I was suppose to know where she was living by osmosis or some type of mind reading ability and mail it to wherever she was living (I still don’t know where she lives) Now of course any individual with a sense of responsibility would have never thought to bring such a suit in front of the courts. A loophole yes, fair? Obviously not. So the judge, even with all of this information in front of her, rules for us to give this ungrateful, entitled and coddled little brat, her money back.
Where is the sense of fairness and responsibility? Where is the honesty? This is the same as stealing from us, and stealing from my own children for her to think she is entitled to anything. She should feel sad, apologetic and appreciative that we did not initially take her to court for all of the damages. We decided to just “eat” the additional costs initially, as we didn’t feel that she would be able to afford to pay us back. Although if this had been one of my children, I would have made them not only apologize, but pay for the damages as well.
So what are we doing now? Something I thought I would never do…it is not in my nature…but we are suing her for damages. We will not pay her back out of principle…not ever…and we are filing a suit for the entire cost of the damages.
I would give you the shirt off my back, I would give you my last dollar….everyone who knows me knows that….I had the winter from hell and it continues….all because parents don’t teach their kids responsibility….all because some parents bail out their kids, leaving these kids feeling entitled to that which isn’t theirs.
If you are as outraged as I am about this decision, let me know. Landlords need to stand up and do a few things. It is unfortunate, but a few bad apples spoil it for everyone else.
1. Don’t rent to people with pets, but if you choose to, charge a huge, non-refundable pet deposit and make it clear that this is NON REFUNDABLE!!
2. Even if you think you know someone, call at least 3 previous landlords, check their credit and call animal control to make sure there are no complaints against this person. If they don’t have 3 previous landlords, keep looking for your next tenant. If you hear even a slight hesitation in the voice of a previous landlord, keep looking for your next tenant.
3. Go to the house to pick up the rent each month. Don’t just stand in the door, walk in, converse and look around.
4. If someone ditches you with no forwarding address, send a damage list to the house of yours they were living in. When it gets returned to you, hold onto the envelope that says no forwarding address. From now on, I will be hand delivering them at the final walk through OR mailing them “return receipt requested” in order to insure that some little tiny loophole won’t be used.
5. Don’t trust anyone. Anyone can damage your property, anyone can screw you after you help them, and apparently, some people aren’t teaching their kids any morals or manners.
6. Give your cell phone number to the neighbors on both sides, across the street, and behind. Any call, get immediately into your car, go to your property and go in. You have just cause now. Also record these calls and have a stipulation in your lease as to the fine for each one. Of course, after one, boot them out.
7. Outline in your lease what the cost is for breaking the lease. Charge AT LEAST the amount of the security deposit for a lease break to cover your time and expenses to get in new tenants.
So, in conclusion, don’t trust anyone until they have earned it. You can always decide to return a deposit to someone if you choose, but make sure that you have clearly outlined the process, make sure you are not your tenant’s friends, but your tenant’s landlord.
I know now why landlords get pessimistic. It is happening to me and I don’t like it at all….all because of some people’s kids….
Have you ever thought about what you used to do before you had the internet, email and cell phones? Do you remember what it was like before there were answering machines? Some of you are too young, but others of us remember needing to be at home to answer the phone!
In the “old days” (1980) we didn’t have a cordless phone. When we were talking to our friends or significant other, we hid in a bathroom or a closet, with the phone cord precariously stretched beyond its limits. We spoke in a hushed tone, hoping no one was listening to us outside the door, like a younger sibling!
When we stayed out too late, our parents had no way of finding us, beyond calling every friend we had and grilling them for information.
Now, with all of this new technology, we can chat with a friend while we cruise around Walmart. We can check email from almost anywhere, and we are never away from the “techno-clutter” called progress.
What if we fasted from technology one day a week? What if for one 24 hour period each week, you let the machine pick up the cell phone ring, and left your laptop off. What if we took it one step further, and didn’t watch TV for that 24 hour period either?
How would it feel to be totally technologically “blind”? I have had that opportunity a few times over the last 5 years. We own a small cabin in a valley that has no TV, cell phone or internet reception. When you are at the “shack” you are essentially limited to an adult contemporary radio station and old VHS movies. Life goes on outside the valley, while you blissfully sit there, unaware….
It is a challenge for the first day. I sense my emails piling up and I worry that something terrible may have happened to someone I know or love. I drive to the top of the hill periodically to see if I have any messages. Then a sense of calm starts to overcome me. I remember that there are two neighbors down the way with landlines. If something happened, family would call them to relay a message, or someone would come down and let me know what was happening.
By day 3, I am not even thinking about the thousand emails in my inbox, most of which are junk anyway. I am also blissfully unaware of the chaos of the modern world. I have been watching old movies, reading books and walking miles without noise or interruption.
When I get home, the first thing I do is to check the email! I do this even before taking a shower or peeing in the flush toilet (did I mention, we don’t have running water or indoor plumbing at the cabin either?).
Simplicity at its best is found at the cabin. No email, tv, cell phones or anything mechanical that can break….we love our technology, but taking periodic breaks can be like clearing your mind…
Can you give it a try? Take 24 hours and turn it all off….listen to the silence…
yogajen
This Daily Om really struck a cord with me today. Please read it here.
When a door opens walk through it? What if I don’t want to, or if I am afraid, or if I might not be able to eat due to lack of money if I go through that door? What is the prevailing message in what I just said? Oh, yes….FEAR!!
We are afraid of change. Fear holds us back from so much. I hear it almost everyday from friends, students and clients. “I want to change jobs, but what if the next one is just as bad as this one?”, “I would love to start my own business, but what if I can’t make a go of it and we starve?”, “I would really like to start working out, but I hurt my knee in 1981 and I am afraid of reinjuring it if I do anything.”….oh, my, gosh….STOP BEING AFRAID!
Yes, the first step into any new venture can bring a racing heart and some anxiety, but how will you ever know if it is better or safe if you don’t step through the door?
I have a student in one of my yoga classes who has had both hips replaced. When she first started yoga a year ago, she did the entire class, including shavasana (relaxation) in a chair. Week by week, we gradually started adding a pose standing, then a pose seated, then all of a sudden, she could do an entire SUN SALUTATION with no chair!! Her doctor’s would have never thought this possible, but as she started letting go of fears, testing the waters one tiny step at a time, and getting past what was holding her back, she was able to do wonderful things with her body!
Perhaps the door that opens is the loss of a job. For many people, this would be something to look at as a catastrophic event. I had a client come in during tax season who announced that he had been laid off from his job the day before, but he was smiling from ear to ear. I asked him why he was so happy, and he said that now he would have the opportunity, while collecting unemployment, to put together a plan for the business he has always wanted to start! What a great way to look at a job loss!
So, open your eyes and watch for those doors. When you see one open, walk in, see what is there….it may be just what you have always wanted…..
yogajen
A few months ago, I emailed my husband and said “We have more money than we have ever had in our lives, and I am more unhappy than I have ever been.” I needed to make a change in my life and I needed to do it then.
Money was not buying the happiness that society professes it will. We still weren’t making tons of money, but we, between us, were making a comfortable living, spending little time at home, and spending most of the time stressed out, tired and depressed. This change would cut our income in half. Although I would still be teaching yoga and working on marketing some products I feel strongly about, but for the short term, it would make a difference in our standard of living. I took the leap! You can read back at some old posts to see the progression!
This morning, I ran across an article that we should all read at Joyful Hope.
Our internal happiness and our external self are not related! You can be the most beautiful person in the world to others, but unless you feel that way about yourself, you don’t see it. You can have great wealth and be miserable, or you can have little financial wealth and be internally very happy. Now of course there is a minimal standard of material wealth that we need in order to survive in this country. We need to have a roof over our heads, food in our bellies and clothing to wear. Beyond that, it is all “luxury” to much of the rest of the world.
So what really buys us happiness? Working on our internal selves through self study, yoga, meditation, walking, reading…whatever helps you to find that peace within yourself to love yourself and to let yourself be loved by others. It is so important to remember how wonderful we each are! In our own way, we each offer so much to the universe…once you start to love yourself, you will be amazed at what will start to manifest in your life!
Have a great Friday!
yogajen
p.s. Thanks Freda for hooking me up with this article….
Since leaving my full-time job on June 12th, I must admit, I have been a bit lazy. I have been working, if you can call it that. I am teaching 3 yoga classes a week, walking every day and working on some pretty intense personal development stuff.
In a sincere quest to find out what I really want to do when I grow up, I am tackling “Wishcraft-How to Get What you Really Want”.
It makes you start to answer the really hard questions. It helps you to plot the path to your goals in a way that is workable. By helping you to define what your goal really is, you can start to create a framework which will help you to get there in incremental steps.
We all have things we love to do, goals we want to accomplish, places we would like to go….but to many of us push those things to the back of our minds as we go about the task of daily life. You don’t have to quit your job to start to find this path, you can just order and start reading the book, following the steps. I am done reading it now, so now the hard work begins.
Yes, defining and following your dreams is hard work! I have many times heard people say “if only…” or “I wish….”, but then take no steps towards the goal. Or they start working on it, and when things get tough they quit, saying they either don’t have the time, don’t have the money, or that the goal in unattainable. They give up before giving the dream or wish or goal an opportunity to take root and start to grow.
My goal is to make the yoga studio a successful venture. My goal expands to not only including yoga, but massage, Reiki, yoga massage, supplements, wellness, weightloss and fitness coaching….just helping people find the best in themselves. It is what I love, what I am passionate about and what makes me light up!
So, yes, I have been lazy….working towards a goal, laying out the plan and preparing to make my dreams come true….on the corner of East 5th and Carimona…there is a dream in the making….join me??
yogajen
Weill folks, I finally did it…I took the big leap. I submitted my letter of resignation and effective June 12th, 2009, I will be “self-employed” once again. I was working as a tax accountant. It wasn’t a bad job, it wasn’t a bad company. Actually it was a good job, with a good company that paid well. It just wasn’t me.
I tend to not play well with others, so it didn’t suprise anyone who knows me well that this didn’t work out for long. This was actually one of my longer stints, lasting almost 19 months. I guess at some point in my life, hopefully now, I will come to the realization that the only boss I can really stand is myself, and that is sketchy some days.
I am one of those people who is on constant motion. I always have to have something to do, but I don’t sit well, so I can’t do the same thing for long. I had a beautiful office, a corner one with windows and a big screen TV! I had dual monitors on my computer and some pretty cool artwork on the walls, but I was dying a bit inside each day. Sitting was making me insane. I waited patiently each day for the time when I could leave and go to teach yoga or go for a walk. I longed to be outside, or reading a book or spending time with friends.
This job has taught me several things about myself. I am a born teacher. It is what I am meant to do, and I need to foster that. BUT, I would not be a good teacher in a confined setting, such as a school. I need to teach different stuff. I love to teach yoga and am going to do my pilates certfication and teach that. I love to coach people to fitness and plan to do more of that. I am thinking about teaching violin lessons to little students, as I really enjoy music. I am also looking at putting together a bootcamp and a holistic health course for community ed.
A classroom would bore me just like a job does, so I have to be cognisant of what I am good at and what I love to do, and build a business and a life around those loves.
So, here I am, unemployed yet again, but very hopeful about the future! I can help people get fit, I can help them learn new skills and I can enjoy myself doing it…it is a big leap, but a leap I think will ultimately lead to a really cool business!!
Have a great weekend!
yogajen
How do you prioritize your day? I am reading a really interesting book right now called “The Joy of Not Working- for the retired, unemployed and overworked”. The ideas in the book are outstanding and I recommend it highly! Here is a link to the book:
One of the biggest lessons I have gotten out of what I have read so far, is that we spend to much of our day doing things that don’t challenge us or excite us. We spend so much of our time on a quest for money, that we forget to live our lives! The book doesn’t say you shouldn’t work, it just helps you to put into perspective “the job” vs “the life”.
As part of my “life coach” training, I have put together a life wheel. This life wheel helps us to determine where we spend our time and energy, so that we can figure out where we need to adjust and reprioritize our lives. It encourages us to evaluate “where we are at now”, so that we can figure out “where we want to be”. Would you like a copy of the life wheel? Send an email to simplicityquest@gmail.com and I will get it right off to you!!
Get ready to take control of your life…
yogajen
Since the first of February, I have purchased nothing….oh, wait, let me clarify…I have purchased nothing that does not get eaten or used up. I have purchased food and toilet paper, shampoo and laundry detergent.
What I have not purchased is anything that I could borrow or get used. I did purchase a couple of books, but they were from a used store so I paid very little for them. I have purchased no new clothing or gadgets, no new things to sit around or hang on my walls…nothing, nada, zilch….
Why you may ask, am I doing this? First, I read and story about a college girl who made the commitment to not buy anything new for a year, and now I am reading Your Money or Your Life. It is a life altering book! You can get your copy here:
Joe and Vicki , the authors of the book, both retired young, but lived on little. Vowing to never work for money another day in their lives they founded the New Roadmap Foundation, to help others achieve financial independence.
Some people think financial independence means having millions of dollars and being able to have whatever they want. True independence from money is living on whatever you have, trading your life energy only for as much money as you need and reclaiming your true values.
We aren’t making a living, we are make a dying. We rise in the morning, bathe and dress, go to a job we don’t particularily care for, drive home, then drown our sorrows in a much deserved trip to Target, filling our cart with things to help us feel better about ourselves. It is called retail therapy. I stopped retail therapy, starting saving the money I would have spent, bringing me that much closer to being financially independent and I am happier in the process.
Think about it this way…would you rather work all day at a job you don’t like, then go to the store and spend what you made on two new shirts to wear to the job you don’t like, or would you rather volunteer doing something you enjoy, wearing the same old shirt you have worn for 3 years? Would you rather drop your kids off at daycare, then pick them up at 5pm, run through the fast food drive through and get them a toy to prove you love them, or would you rather spend the afternoon swinging them in the park with a peanut butter sandwich you brought from home? I pick wearing the old shirt, and I am pretty sure our kids would pick the peanut butter sandwich and your time….
We need to start to rethink our lives. What is it we want to do? How do we want to be remembered? Who would we prefer to spend our days with? How much do we really need to live on, and how much of what we spend is spent to keep up with our neighbors or to soothe our frazzled mind at the end of a hectic day?
Why don’t you try it for a week? Instead of going to the store, watch a movie that you already own and pop some popcorn. Instead of going out to eat, teach your child how to make spaghetti. Instead of buying a new shirt, dig through your closet and find one you haven’t worn in a while….everyone at work will think you bought a new one….only you know the truth…you are one day closer to retiring….hmmmm
yogajen
I had a rough week. Working became a nightmare on Wednesday, when I was told that I had not put in enough hours in January and February, and wasn’t meeting my “goals”. The insinuation was also made that I wasn’t worth what I was being paid, which is pretty unnerving. Quitting became high on my list of things to do this week, for a variety of reasons.
January and February were hellish months for me on a personal level. My husband broke his collarbone, which not only required surgery, but required me to take on many of the home duties he would have otherwise done. I was now responsible for clothes washing, dish washing, snow shoveling and all forms of cleaning. My daughter, who is 22, told us she was pregnant on the same day my husband had surgery for his collarbone. In February, she miscarried which was hard for all of us. My son was dealing with a variety of problems related to depression, made worse by the winter lack of sunlight.
I was, needless to say, overwhelmed. Work had to take the lowest spot on my list of priorities as I struggled to just get through the days. I am a holistic person, who has never relied on drugs, but I was forced to accept something to help with the anxiety and depression that I was now stuggling with.
Work has always been pretty low on my list, with God, children, health and husband being on top. Work to me is a way to secure funds to manage life, to pay the bills and to allow me to do the things I love. I wasn’t surprised when I was told “my head was in a different place”, because it was!
This discussion with him lead to his priorities, which he spelled out as work, wife then children. But with the birth of a grandchild, that had changed to work, grandchild, wife, children. I was saddened but not surprised by his admittance of this list. It is unfortunate that in a world with so much to offer us, that work would top the list! Remember the old saying “on your deathbed will you be saying ‘wish I had spent more time at the office, or wish I had spent more time with those I love’?” He said work was first, but can that really be?
I wrote my resignation letter than night, with guidance from some awesome friends. The next day, I went into my bosses office and said “got a minute? Something has to change…I can’t work 40+ hours per week, and maintain the life I want to live. I need better balance. If that means not working, then that is what it means I guess.” He suggested a reduced schedule, but he is still baffled that I would pick kids, health and teaching yoga over working more hours. He suggested that the reason I was behind at work had to do with the fact that I cram my schedule to full of other stuff.
Let’s put this in perspective….I work 40-45 hours per week right now. I teach 7 yoga classes, swim one night a week, and walk daily…all total, my troublesome “outside activities” total about 14 hours per week, and are the sole reason that I am sane right now. What is out of balance? The only thing I do more than work is sleep….I need alot of sleep.
So, now I have a decision to make. Do I fix my work schedule or do I look at finding a more acceptable balance elsewhere? Will he ever be able to accept that work is way down on my list of priorities and that will never change? Is the money I make worth the stress and unsettled feelings that it induces?
In reading “Your Money or Your Life”, I am inclined to believe that I need to reorganize things. I need to teach a bit more yoga, walk alot more and get rid of the day job. I need to minimize my material needs to those things that can be paid for with my teaching and selling junk I don’t need on Ebay. I have been practicing in February and March. I have purchased nothing other than food and toiletries, determining each need as “life energy” rather than money. How much energy am I willing to give away in exchange for a given item? If I need to work 2 hours to buy a new shirt, was that shirt worth 2 hours of my life gone forever? Would I have rather walked, read or volunteered for that 2 hours and foregone the shirt? When I think about it that way, I get a much clearer picture of what I should do…
So I will sit with this for a few days…determining what path to take….thoughts?? Let me know!!
yogajen
