I had a rough week. Working became a nightmare on Wednesday, when I was told that I had not put in enough hours in January and February, and wasn’t meeting my “goals”. The insinuation was also made that I wasn’t worth what I was being paid, which is pretty unnerving. Quitting became high on my list of things to do this week, for a variety of reasons.

January and February were hellish months for me on a personal level. My husband broke his collarbone, which not only required surgery, but required me to take on many of the home duties he would have otherwise done. I was now responsible for clothes washing, dish washing, snow shoveling and all forms of cleaning. My daughter, who is 22, told us she was pregnant on the same day my husband had surgery for his collarbone. In February, she miscarried which was hard for all of us. My son was dealing with a variety of problems related to depression, made worse by the winter lack of sunlight.

I was, needless to say, overwhelmed. Work had to take the lowest spot on my list of priorities as I struggled to just get through the days. I am a holistic person, who has never relied on drugs, but I was forced to accept something to help with the anxiety and depression that I was now stuggling with.

Work has always been pretty low on my list, with God, children, health and husband being on top. Work to me is a way to secure funds to manage life, to pay the bills and to allow me to do the things I love. I wasn’t surprised when I was told “my head was in a different place”, because it was!

This discussion with him lead to his priorities, which he spelled out as work, wife then children. But with the birth of a grandchild, that had changed to work, grandchild, wife, children. I was saddened but not surprised by his admittance of this list. It is unfortunate that in a world with so much to offer us, that work would top the list! Remember the old saying “on your deathbed will you be saying ‘wish I had spent more time at the office, or wish I had spent more time with those I love’?” He said work was first, but can that really be?

I wrote my resignation letter than night, with guidance from some awesome friends. The next day, I went into my bosses office and said “got a minute? Something has to change…I can’t work 40+ hours per week, and maintain the life I want to live. I need better balance. If that means not working, then that is what it means I guess.” He suggested a reduced schedule, but he is still baffled that I would pick kids, health and teaching yoga over working more hours. He suggested that the reason I was behind at work had to do with the fact that I cram my schedule to full of other stuff.

Let’s put this in perspective….I work 40-45 hours per week right now. I teach 7 yoga classes, swim one night a week, and walk daily…all total, my troublesome “outside activities” total about 14 hours per week, and are the sole reason that I am sane right now. What is out of balance? The only thing I do more than work is sleep….I need alot of sleep.

So, now I have a decision to make. Do I fix my work schedule or do I look at finding a more acceptable balance elsewhere? Will he ever be able to accept that work is way down on my list of priorities and that will never change? Is the money I make worth the stress and unsettled feelings that it induces?

In reading “Your Money or Your Life”, I am inclined to believe that I need to reorganize things. I need to teach a bit more yoga, walk alot more and get rid of the day job. I need to minimize my material needs to those things that can be paid for with my teaching and selling junk I don’t need on Ebay. I have been practicing in February and March. I have purchased nothing other than food and toiletries, determining each need as “life energy” rather than money. How much energy am I willing to give away in exchange for a given item? If I need to work 2 hours to buy a new shirt, was that shirt worth 2 hours of my life gone forever? Would I have rather walked, read or volunteered for that 2 hours and foregone the shirt? When I think about it that way, I get a much clearer picture of what I should do…

So I will sit with this for a few days…determining what path to take….thoughts?? Let me know!!

yogajen